spam! spam! beautiful spam!

[faceless_wonder]

alright...i got sick of reading cases, and decided to do something i haven't done in a very long time--look through my spam blocker. my goodness. there are some really amusing headlines in my spam. don't get me wrong--i don't want spam in my inbox, and i'm very glad the emails are diverted to my spam blocker. but...some of the email subject lines just make me giggle: 

• She'll hurt so good with MegaDik
• Superherogirl: learn how to be a real man!  (note: superherogirl is my google/gmail handle.)
• Get mega-sized with MegaDik
• FW: Even when we do get the psychos...  (i had no idea what the actual content of THAT email could be...turns out, they were trying to sell me vibrating cock rings.)
• Stretch her out with MegaDik
• Let the big dick fairy bless you  (okay, okay, i get it.  my dick is too small.  clearly i need to go to Early To Bed and buy a bigger packer, because the spammers don't think my current one is cutting it.)
• to Superherogirl--WHORES
• There is no need to parade your problems (an ad for an online pharmacy...WTF?)
• What is the dosage guideline for Wondercum?
• Free Fathers Rights Course--Child Support, Custody, Visitation (it was addressed "Dear Father"...ummm, no.  really, i just put this one up there not because it was funny, but because foofy_attorney would appreciate the fact that the Fathers' Rights people have resorted to such lowbrow tactics as spam.)
• As nonagenarian at usurer (no idea what they're trying to sell me, even after reading the email.  there was a sketchy file attached to it, though.  i wasn't gonna download that.)

alright, that's enough stupid spamusement for the day.  back to work.  :)

Comments

[hilabeans.livejournal.com]

I particularly liked the Viagra adds I used to get back in college. Also, having scanned my gmail spam folder, apparently my dick isn't big enough either. Too bad, I like it the size it is and I'm not going to go out and buy a bigger one... although if they'd offer me one with an internal heater I'd be all over that.

Also, according to my gmail spam, I need to figure out how to pick up hot women. And apparently we're now talking about drugs in something approaching l33t:

"What your ph4rmacist doesn't want you to know - We have everything you need: Phenterm1ne, Cial1s S0ft T4bs, V1agra S0ft T4bs..."

I'm not sure what's more amusing, the random number-for-letter replacements in such an advertisement, or the fact that Cialis and Viagra come in a form called "soft tabs". Wouldn't it be a better promotional move to only make them available as hard tabs?

[faceless-wonder.livejournal.com]

hahahaha! penis meds really shouldn't be called "soft tabs", should they? i can see it now, the new ad campaign: "Viagra--the soft tabs that make it harder than ever." i never thought about it that way. *reprimands my mind for being insufficiently dirty*

(as you can see, i find the soft tab thing more amusing than the penis l33t.)

also...i had a lot of Meet Hot Women emails as well...although, strangely enough, they just weren't ever phrased in a manner as funny as the penis size ones. i guess they didn't feel the need to try as hard--then again, i don't think you need to tempt a horny straight man with an amusing comment if you are presenting an opportunity to Meet Hot Women.

[foofy-attorney.livejournal.com]

I was once offered the largest penis in Christendom. Direct quote there. "Christendom." Apparently they didn't think they couldn't guarantee me a bigger wang than those notoriously well hung Muhammadans.