more prison performance art.

[faceless_wonder]

what better way to ring in the new year than by reading a brand new crop of completely bizarre jonathan lee riches © lawsuits? a ton of new lawsuits were posted today...i'm not enumerating nearly all of them, but here are the best of the best lines.

• riches © v. Thomas Friedman: "FCI Williamsburg rolled up my New York Times and beat me with them in my mind."
• riches © v. Altria Group: "I have a right to crave cigarettes. I have no corn cob pipe."
  
• riches © v. Steven Zirnkilton: "Defendant is Law & Ordering my illegal treatment in prison."
  
• riches © v. WFMY News 2: "I seek $49 million for no news abuse."
  
• riches © v. Falun Gong d/b/a The Gong Show
• are any quotes really necessary here? i think the caption says it all.
  
• riches © v. Viagra et al.: "Defendants are encouraging homosexuality in Federal prisons, using subliminal messaging."
  
• riches © v. Terrell Owens, in a suit for "Owen the Eagles for Damages": "Owens also tampered with [Donovan] McNabb's water bottle putting Lunesta in it during the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl against the Patriots, that's why McNabb got tired."
  
• riches © v. Tanner Hall: "Hall is also related to Hall and Oates. He sings promises to me, but I get no good treatment. I'm getting snowboarded, my head is chair lifted and ski lodges are warmer than the cell in FCI Williamsburg."
  
• riches © v. James Gandofini: "I have no access to Comcast Sports Net in Philadelphia. This is a civil rights violation. Inmates have a constitutional right to television. I'm being severely injured. I'm not current with today's news which is making me dumber.
  
• riches © v. Lacroix Restaurant: "My civil rights are being violated. Valet parking scratched my car. I didn't get a doggy bag."
  
• riches © v. KYW radio: "I'm offended I can't get fair and balanced news."
• aren't we all, mr. riches ©? aren't we all?
  

here's hoping this year will feature even more jonathan lee riches © hilarity than 2007 did.