yo ho ho and a barrel of grog.

avast! it be talk like a pirate day!

i shall wear me pirate hat and me pirate corset to school, and splice me mainbrace afterward.

ARRRRRRRR.

these have my stamp of approval.

and now, presenting, a novel interpretation of freedom of speech, brought to you by jonathan lee riches ©:

"2 Milli Vanilli look-alikes jumped me in the prison rec yard and stole my larynx under Carrie [Underwood]'s direct orders. A first amendment speech violation."

ummmm...that would mean that anyone who was mute had their first amendment rights taken away. although this is incorrect, it is clever and novel.

***

annnnnnd. FEMA. they've been in deep trouble since hurricane katrina. and now, they're in even deeper trouble...thanks to jonathan lee riches ©. thanks to FEMA:

"I got 10 feet of snow in my cell. The forecast called for sunny sky's. I was no prepared to bundle up. The FCI Williamsburg drove by me on a snowmobile."

i swear. this dude is my hero.

time cube

whiskey. tango. foxtrot.

(and no, this is NOT another lawsuit. i promise.)

"After 30 years of research, I now possess the Order of Harmonic Antipodal Cubic Created Life - too large for physical form, but Binary Spirit of the masculinity Sun & feminity Earth Antipodes. ONEism is demonic Death Math. I have so much to teach you, but you ignore me you evil asses."

and it just gets more deranged from there. i think it's this guy's crazy theory about the world. i don't quite follow, but he's obsessed with the number four, and seems to think the number one is inherently evil.

i'd like to find this guy and play the "three is a magic number" song. i think his head would explode.

if i could only get my trial prof to tell us to mime "gay" to the jury...

i was in advanced trial class this afternoon, and the professor was giving us feedback on our jury selection questioning exercise last week. he was remarking that i talk way too much with my hands. that was true...so true.

he then starts to talk about the fact that it's okay to use your hands to point out really major things that you are saying. he tells us that it is not okay, of course, to point at people in the jury box while you are talking. he then suggested a hand gesture.

he put his hand in a fist, put his thumb on top, with the tip pointed up just a bit, and bounced it up and down purposefully.

of course, all i wanted to do was make the "large, loud, boisterous, gay attorney" gestures. i didn't. but, i did start giggling in class. i'm sure everyone else was confused...but it made sense to me.

hi, o.j.!

so, sue-perman (a.k.a. jonathan lee riches ©) filed two different lawsuits against o.j. simpson today.

one of them was in florida. it included the rather special line:

board up your windows. load up on carbs. 'cause o.j. simpson is coming to town. he sees you when you're sleeping. he knows when you're awake.

it's like a demented holiday song!

he also sued o.j. in south carolina. of course, he made completely different allegations in south carolina than he did in florida.