/me shakes her head

clever, roy ashburn. very clever.

you get a reputation for being one of the most vehemently anti-gay state politicians in California. you get busted driving drunk home from a gay club. surprise, surprise, you're gay.

and you still try to excuse your anti-gay political face by saying it's what your constituents would have wanted?

i really, really don't know what to say about that.

on one hand, a legislator is supposed to be a voice for his constituents, so i can see how that's supposed to sound noble.

but, on the other hand, i find it really hard to excuse his hypocrisy--repeatedly voting against measures that would benefit himself and other gay citizens--as constituent service. who you are as a legislator should not lie in conflict with who you are as a person--and, if who you are as a person is that out of line with your constituents, you should not be their legislator. more than anything, that's why i decided years ago not to go into politics...i refuse to vote against my own beliefs in the name of constituent service, and i know that acting in my own good conscience would make me so out of line with the normal belief as to be unelectable.

in other words, i refuse to believe that roy ashburn was making some kind of noble sacrifice for the sake of his constituents...selflessly voting anti-gay despite the fact that he was, in fact, gay. i can understand having a difficult time coming to terms with being gay, especially if you had been married, and had been leading such a public existence as a legislator would have to lead. but, there are far more constructive ways to deal with it than trying to hide it by being a vehemently anti-gay politician. he could vote against as many gay rights bills as he wanted, but he was still going to have to one day face the fact that he's gay, and no amount of voting against gay rights bills is going to make him any less attracted to men at the end of the day.

News Crack Smokers Can Use: EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT!

despite the fact that i have been remiss in my advice to crack smokers over the last few months, nothing has actually changed. the sun still rises in the east, it still sets in the west, and crack smokers are still doing really stupid things.

case in point? this unsavoury situation.

first of all: do not buy your crack with monopoly money. ever. it's a terrible idea. if your crack dealer placed an inordinate amount of value on utterly worthless monopoly money, he would not make his living selling crack. he would make his living on the professional monopoly-playing circuit. however, you did not see him in the news winning the national monopoly championship. you met him because he is a crack dealer, and you are a crack smoker. he's in it to make money: united states currency, legal tender, which he can give to the guy one step above him on the crack-dealing chain, in exchange for more of that crack you love so much. just buy your crack with cold, hard, non-counterfeit cash. it will cause fewer problems in the long run.

second of all: do not expect the local constabulary to take pity on you if you are stupid enough to buy crack with monopoly money. if you're pulled over while driving, and you're bleeding from your head, it is bound to raise some questions. i guess i can give you two points for honesty for admitting your screw-up to the policeman, but why do you think the police will just forget about it if you're uncooperative, and not actually try to find your crack dealer?¹ choose a strategy and run with it whole hog: either admit your mistake to Officer Friendly and help him find that crack dealer who beat you up, or don't reveal the circumstances behind why your head is bleeding.

finally: if you are selling crack, why in the world would you give a crack smoker some crack if all he gave you in return was monopoly money? don't even take that crack out of your pocket until your crack smoking customer gives you cold, hard cash for it! the only explanation i can think of for actually accepting monopoly money in return for crack would be a blatant violation of the fourth crack commandment: specifically, getting high on one's own supply. you've got to be smoking crack in order to take monopoly money in return for crack--lay off the crackpipe. not only will your business be a lot more lucrative, but you won't have to deal with the cops finding your shiftless customers who you beat in an angry rage when you suddenly realised that the US Government does not offer little blue fifty dollar bills.

congratulations: for the first time ever, we have both a crack dealer and his client who have simultaneously qualified as crack smokers who are too stupid to take refuge at the last refuge of the persecuted crack smoker.

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¹ answer: because that requires a bit more reasoning capacity than a crack smoker who buys crack with monopoly money probably has.