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look, i twittered today!
Jan. 13th, 2009 03:27 am- 08:20 overslept. today is already off kilter. #
- 13:41 mac and cheese for the win. <3 #
- 15:45 the latest News Crack Smokers Can Use is up! tinyurl.com/7p82ff #
Jan. 13th, 2009
i left my computer charger at home. i left my pass to get into my office building at home. i slipped in the ice about five times on the way to the office. i paper-cut my thumb on a piece of card stock. my internet at work is not working reliably.
today already sucks.
today already sucks.
tallywhackers!
Jan. 13th, 2009 01:29 pmdear penis pill spammers:
i know that there are a million different penis pill spams that are clogging the interwebstubes right now. it's easy for yours to get lost in the shuffle, and you need to come up with a snappy subject headline to entice gullible folks to order penis enlargement pills from your email and not someone else's. i understand that. however, my dear spammers, take a look at these subject lines i harvested from my spam today, and please tell me whether any of them evoke an image of sexual pleasure:
lesson? not all attempts to imply masculine size and strength are sexy. i understand that stealing lines from pornographic stories may be a little too long-winded. however, if you're sick of the cookie-cutter "gain inches now" or "get a bigger pen15", you can at least draw a little attention to your emails by eschewing the painful for the amusingly weird:
please remember this for the next time that you try to sell me penis enlargement pills.
love,
the persecuted crack smoker
p.s.: we'll leave alone for now the fact that i don't have a penis in the first place, and discuss that another day. if, between now and then, you are that desperate for me to have a penis, you can always buy me a packy as a present.
i know that there are a million different penis pill spams that are clogging the interwebstubes right now. it's easy for yours to get lost in the shuffle, and you need to come up with a snappy subject headline to entice gullible folks to order penis enlargement pills from your email and not someone else's. i understand that. however, my dear spammers, take a look at these subject lines i harvested from my spam today, and please tell me whether any of them evoke an image of sexual pleasure:
- My crotch area is too tight now
- Let your zip feel tension
- So massive it scared her
- This will bring fire to her crotch
- 9 inches of steel in her
lesson? not all attempts to imply masculine size and strength are sexy. i understand that stealing lines from pornographic stories may be a little too long-winded. however, if you're sick of the cookie-cutter "gain inches now" or "get a bigger pen15", you can at least draw a little attention to your emails by eschewing the painful for the amusingly weird:
- Put your sword in her scabbard
- This will beat diamonds any day
- Your rocket will fly higher
- Make your hose's radius great
please remember this for the next time that you try to sell me penis enlargement pills.
love,
the persecuted crack smoker
p.s.: we'll leave alone for now the fact that i don't have a penis in the first place, and discuss that another day. if, between now and then, you are that desperate for me to have a penis, you can always buy me a packy as a present.
