oh, you Schmuck!

this morning i'm reading a mail fraud case for my white collar crime class. the case has the most apt name ever: Schmuck v. United States (489 U.S. 705).

the Schmuck in question is a used car distributor.

i can't read this case without laughing. observe:

"The alleged fraud was a common and straightforward one. Schmuck purchased used cars, rolled back their odometers, and then sold the automobiles to Wisconsin retail dealers for prices artificially inflated because of the low-mileage readings."

"Evidence at trial indicated that Schmuck had employed a man known only as "Fred" to turn back the odometers on about 150 different cars."

"Once the full flavor of Schmuck's scheme is appreciated, the critical distinctions between this case and the three cases in which this Court has delimited the mail fraud statute...are readily apparent."

"Moreover, a failure in this passage of title would have jeopardized Schmuck's relationship of trust and goodwill with the retail dealers upon whose unwitting cooperation his scheme depended. Schmuck's reliance on our prior cases limiting the reach of the mail fraud statute is simply misplaced."

what a schmuck.

(crossposted to faceless_wonder and weirdlaw.)

defense!

funniest screenshot ever on deadspin this morning:



any further suggestions for what defense is? this sign is a pretty good example, if the fan's favourite bowler's adversary is easily amused. or, you could always yell "booga-booga" at the bowler when they're trying to bowl.

or, as one esteemed commenter suggested, a goat would suffice.