inheritance

one of the headlines on the cover of details magazine this month irks me a lot:

"are your parents squandering your inheritance?"

one reason it irks me is simple and straightforward--that's not really what the corresponding article is about. the article is about older parents who haven't saved for retirement, retired, spend money recklessly, and then ask their kids to bail them out. that's a legitimate problem to write an article about. that's a proper thing for a kid to consider, because it's not a kid's duty to bail their parents out if they do something stupid with their money. the headline on the cover should have something to do with that, the actual subject matter of the article. it should not be something sensational and inaccurate. magazines do that all the time, and it bugs me. headlines and teasers on the cover need to be catchy, but they also need to be accurate reflections of the articles inside the magazine.

the other thing that irks me is the text of the headline itself. even though it has nothing to do with the article, just the fact that someone would ask the question of whether their parents are squandering their inheritance is disrespectful.

a parent's money doesn't belong to a grown-up kid. it's the parents' obligation to use their money for the kids when the kids are too young to take care of themselves on their own. once the kid is old enough to leave home and be solvent on their own, the parent is under no obligation to spend money on behalf of the child. parents don't have to acquire money for the purpose of leaving it to kids when they die. that seems rather silly. what happens to be left unspent after the parents die...that can be distributed however the will says it should be. but, money is for the living to enjoy, and money is first and foremost for the person who made it to do with it what he or she chooses.

there's no such thing as squandering an inheritance. as long as the parents aren't spending money in a way that would leave the kids forced to bail them out, the parents should spend their money vigorously in their retirement. retirement is time to kick back, goof off, have fun, and not worry about working. as long as there's enough there in the retirement kitty to assure a comfortably long retirement for the parents, there's no problem with the parents spending the money to buy nicer things than they would have otherwise bought. they're retired, they have the money, and they deserve it.

parents don't owe their kids an inheritance, especially at the expense of nice things in their retirement. an inheritance is not something that kids can depend on or should be allowed to depend on. grown-up children are just that: grown-ups. they need to work, make and save their own money, and not make demands that their parents save them some large nest egg when they die.

dear abby: you screwed up.

one of Dear Abby's responses this morning had me so annoyed that i felt the need to send her a response.

this was the original letter:

Dear Abby: I haven't had a boyfriend for a while now, and I'm not sure why. I play video games, sports and do things that boys think girls would never do (like paint-balling or bungee jumping).

I get compliments on my looks as well. But for some reason, whenever I get a crush on a guy, he says it would be "weird" because I'm a "really good friend." What am I doing wrong?

-- Boyfriendless in Connecticut

Dear Boyfriendless: It may be that "guys" see you as one of them. And because of it, they don't consider you in a romantic way. Therefore, it's time to emphasize your feminine side and present yourself in a different light. This may mean temporarily downplaying your involvement in boys' sports and paintball games, and amping up your "girlishness." Give it a try and see what happens.

this is my response:

Dear Abby,

I found your advice to Boyfriendless in Connecticut to be off the mark. You advised her to emphasize her feminine side more, and try downplaying her involvement in boyish sports, just to see what happens.

What would happen if she did that and managed to attract a boyfriend? It would be a bait-and-switch. The new boyfriend would think he was getting someone more feminine, and would get disappointed when she showed her true tomboy self. It's not fair to a potential boyfriend to get an inaccurate picture of the girl he is considering dating, only to realize the truth when he becomes invested in her.

It's also not fair to her to feel like she has to lower her involvement in things she likes just to have a chance at a man's affections. The fact that she enjoys things like video games and paintball is not shameful, and not something she should be forced to hide. She should keep enjoying the things that she enjoys, for the sake of her own happiness and for the sake of living authentically.

What she should do is try to meet new people. She should get involved in organizations or volunteering, or go out to concerts or festivals. The more people she meets, the more likely it's going to be that she will meet somebody who likes her for who she is and also likes her romantically.

my response is a little nicer and more tactful than what i was originally going to write--given that my original plan was to just rant about this advice here in my blog. then, i decided--this advice was so terrible that i needed to tell Dear Abby so. of course, a scathing rant would get me nowhere, whereas a nicely worded letter may cause her to see the error of her ways. we'll see if she replies.

this morning rules all of a sudden.

two things have suddenly made my morning very, very shiny.

1. i found out that tonight, shooting blanks is playing a final-final show at the mutiny!¹ i must go. i saw shooting blanks a few times back in 2003 and 2004, and they're a really fun band. their songs are silly, their shows entertaining. i thought i had lost the chance to ever see them again. they played their final show in march. i had school commitments in st. louis, and couldn't make it out to chicago for the show. but...i've gotten another chance, and i will take it!
2. this ad for world of warcraft is fantastic. i don't play WoW...but that's irrelevant. it's Mr. T!!!!!!! Mr. T can make anything awesome.

***
¹ what would have made this even shinier is if i had seen the website for the mutiny before 11:15 in the morning. the website says that they have karaoke from 9 to 12--on saturday mornings. next time i'm in chicago i must go to this. morning karaoke at a punk rock dive is something that i have to experience at least once in my life.