*asserts legal rights*

i'm sure most of you have heard my rants about my sketchball landlord from this summer.

well, i moved out over a month ago, and i still haven't seen a penny of my security deposit back. i'd really like to see my security deposit again. it was $500, a month's rent...and i can buy a lot of fun things for $500. also, i'd rather my $500 be in my hands than in the hands of a psychotic jackass. if that's not unjust enrichment, i don't know what is.

i looked up the chicago municipal code provisions on security deposits, and it looks like mister sketchball is starting to run out of time. he has forty-five days from the day i moved out to give me my money back. that means...if i don't have that money by september 23rd, or i don't have an itemized list of repairs he had to make for things other than normal wear and tear, then i can recover damages of twice the security deposit plus interest.

so, today, i'm writing jackass landlord a nice little letter. i'm being as tactful as possible--while still clearly threatening him with a lawsuit if i don't have that money or an explanation by the 24th of september:

Dear asshat:

I lived in the back room of your 1st Floor apartment this summer. I moved out of the apartment on August 9, 2007. The day I moved out I returned my key, and left with it my address in St. Louis where you could return my $500 security deposit.

It has been over a month, and I have neither received my security deposit back or been informed of any reason that I would not receive my security deposit back. Under Chicago Municipal Code §5-12-080(d), you have forty-five days after the day I move out to return my security deposit to me. That means I must have my security deposit back by September 23, 2007. If I do not receive it by then, I reserve the right under §5-12-080(g) of the Chicago Municipal Code to recover damages in court of twice the security deposit plus interest.

Under the same section of code, if you withhold any portion of that security deposit, you must mail me an itemized list of damages other than normal wear and tear, which is excluded from damages that may be deducted. You must also mail me copies of receipts when any necessary repair work is actually done, to verify that the estimates in the initial itemized list were what was actually spent to fix it.

Thank you for your attention to this matter, and I am looking forward to it being taken care of promptly.

Sincerely,

the persecuted crack smoker

hopefully this elicits a response.

another minion of barry bonds

car 54, where are you? inquiring minds want to know!

and of course, by inquiring minds, i mean jonathan lee riches ©, who is now suing jeff gordon. he's back to his old-school form...no narrative cohesion, just a bunch of hilariously silly allegations.

poor jonathan lee riches ©. jeff gordon is "recklessly drivin [his] life crazy."

careers

careers meme...borrowed from squelch84 and xioley.

1. Go to careercruising.com.
2. Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark.
3. Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions.
4. Post the results.

these are my results...i have no interest in being #1, although #2 through #4 sound like just the ticket. :)

( jobs for me? )

other than the obvious ones, some of them work beautifully and some of them do not. all the performance ones, like musician, actor, and comedian all sound like a lot of fun. (although, i *would* be the worst comedian ever, specifically because i'm not very funny.)

all those medical type things, though...optician, dental assistant, dental tech, pharmacist...what? i have no interest in doing anything medical. it all squicks me out.

and picture framer? upholsterer? that high? those jobs just sound so boring.

the only jobs on this list i've ever seriously considered were the lawyer-type jobs. in the past i considered being a physicist, and before that a politician, but i've very steadily renounced both of those paths, and have no desire to follow them anymore. of course, i've batted around the idea of being a musician and being an actor, but never in any serious sense...those are just things i find fun, but know i'm not good enough at for them to be anything more than hobbies, extremely fun ways to spend my spare time.

marathon jon

awwww...poor jonathan lee riches ©. he can't run at churchhill downs, and he doesn't have an olympic size pool in federal prison.

so, he sued every olympic-related entity he could think of.

***

and...this was posted a few days ago, and somehow i missed it until today. he also a whole bevy of famous people involved in sex scandals, for counts including "sodomy of my mind."