the next tales from the front...or not

as of yesterday...i now have an advice column in student life, the wash u student newspaper. my first one is going to be published this friday...it'll run every two weeks for the end of this school year, and then either every week or every two weeks next year, depending if they can get a guy to write advice as well, or not.

the concept of giving advice on matters of sex, dating, relationships, and love amuses me to no end, since i have such a tendency to get myself into trouble. i like to think my tendency to get into trouble will help me write about what pitfalls are worth it, and what pitfalls are to be avoided.

this column is going to be a lot of fun to write. i haven't written for a newspaper since i was fourteen, writing sports and school news articles for the raleigh extra (a community weekly paper). this will be even more fun than that...instead of being constricted to write about stuff that happens, i'll be able to pick a topic and give advice about it for a page...or, hey, maybe someone might email me a question and i'll get to answer that! that's when i know i'll have made it, if someone actually ever emails me a question to write about in my column.

i'm so excited about writing this. :D

dear jurors, please do not expose yourself publicly. love, judge.

here's another Brain In The Gutter moment, brought to you by the persecuted crack smoker.

i was doing some research about a change of venue issue. one of the parts of the case, State v. Felton, 803 S.W.2d 1 (Mo. 1991), said:

"MAI-CR 3d 300.04 requires the court to instruct the jury prior to the first recess or adjournment not to discuss the case or to expose themselves to publicity about the case, and to remind the jury of these instructions prior to every subsequent recess or adjournment."

the first time i read that paragraph, i thought it said something completely different. i pulled it back up and found out what it actually said...but when i first read it, i thought it said that the jury instruction required the court to instruct the jury not to expose themselves publicly during the case.

that's right. i wondered why the judge had to tell the jurors not to run around naked while they were on break from doing their civic duty. i wondered, becuase i don't see how the jurors streaking on their own time would prejudice the case one way or the other. it's just some nudity, right?

i'm relieved that the judge wasn't actually telling the jurors not to publicly expose themselves during trial. it's not his place. although...it sure would have been funny.

cheap! cheap! fun! fun!

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! dirt cheap finally has a website!!!

it's so low-budget it's funny...but that's of course the only way for it to stay true to the cheap! cheap! fun! fun! this has made my day!

grrrrr.

Dear Clinic Class,
Screw you. Because of you, i missed Madina Lake playing a free set at Vintage Vinyl at 4:30 today. Hope you're happy.
No Love,
the persecuted crack smoker