novak's idol

are you doing anything at 8pm on Wednesday, January 17th?

if the answer is no, and you're in st. louis...then you really, really should come to Novak's, at 4121 Manchester.

it's the first night of Novak's Idol, their yearly karaoke contest. and...i'm going to be competing!!

so...you should all come, cheer me on, and vote for me! the first night is crucial...twenty-five singers enter, ten singers make it on to the second round.

insanity

i'm feeling something i didn't feel at all last semester, and i can't decide what to call it. about a third of me wants to call it "motivation." about two-thirds of me wants to call it "an unhealthy and unnatural compulsion."

i have a very busy semester ahead of me, with clinic and classes. the fact that i have to spend 21 hours a week in clinic hit me like a ton of bricks today. put on top of that the fact that i did my first reading for criminal justice administration, and found it fascinating...and all of this added up to the fact that i left trial practice tonight only to crack that CJA book--again--and do my reading for friday.

it was the first time since law school started that i did something as dastardly as read ahead. actually, it may be the first time since high school that i did something so terrible.

i can't put my finger on why i did that today. it feels unnatural. i want to think it's motivation, but i truly think it's something more psychotic than that. motivation feels natural. this feels a lot more...raw, chemical, and crazy. i don't want to get behind. i was so lackadaisical last semester. i got weeks and months behind in my classes and...just let myself. i don't want to do that this semester. i don't want a rerun of last semester. so, it's as if the only way i feel like i can avoid that is to compulsively get my work done as soon as it falls into my lap, so i never have to worry about the stress and shame of falling so far behind again.

sigh. this is one gift horse i should just look in the mouth, but i can't.