you are an asshat. you have God's word on it.

dear asshat,

you were at my poker table. you're an old guy with a bushy, wilford brimley-style moustache and a nondescript old-guy polo shirt. you're not even very good at poker...if you were, you probably would not be playing literally every two cards the dealer gave you.

in other words, you are not God's gift to poker, or even God's gift to the 3-6 no fold 'em hold 'em table. you have no right to be such a jerk.

this includes when you started whispering in my ear about what a bad dealer we had. first of all, i don't like random strangers whispering in my ear. it's not very polite, and i prefer to choose which random people i let anywhere near my ear, my face, or my body. i did not choose you. you were just being skeevy.

second of all, you had no right to be complaining about the dealer. she was doing her job. she was dealing the cards, letting the game move along--and, unlike some of the other dealers i've had in my several years of playing poker, she was extremely friendly! she was chatting with the players as she dealt; she always had a smile on her face. i have had this dealer on many occasions, and she's one of the most pleasant ones i've ever had. she was not a horrible dealer. she was not completely oblivious to the game, as you claimed. and...you weren't whispering all that quietly. she could probably hear you.

she wasn't the only casino employee to whom you were amazingly rude. no, you were also a complete skeeve to the cocktail waitress. yes, she was young, attractive, and blonde. yes, she was wearing a corset, a shirt, and heels--just like all of the other cocktail waitresses on the riverboat. she was doing her job. her job is to serve cocktails. her job is not, as you asked her to do, to give lapdances. it was clear she did not find your request for a lapdance clever. she did not laugh. she was not amused. in fact, when you turned down cocktails and asked for a lapdance instead, she tried to walk away from you as quickly as possible. just so you know, asshat, that is her saying no to you. that is not, as you seemed to understand it to be, an invitation to ask her for a lapdance a second time. no wonder the next time we had a cocktail waitress come by our poker table, it was a different one. if i were her, i wouldn't want to put up with your sexual harassment again, either.

next time you come to the casino, i would appreciate it if you were more respectful toward other gamblers, and especially toward the hardworking employees who are there doing their jobs. otherwise, you don't deserve to go to a casino--or, really, anywhere else--again.

no love,
me


[crossposted to note_to_asshat]

the sweet science

brilliant Pearls Before Swine today. i want to be a pioneer in the science of yelling at idiots.



(p.s...now that we have six icons for free, i'm expanding my icon repertoire. this includes adding this brilliant one that hilabeans made.)

only one

"only one"
by yellowcard

broken
this fragile thing now
and i can't
i can't pick up the pieces
and i've thrown my words all around
but i can't
i can't give you a reason

i feel so broken up (so broken up)
Aand i give up (i give up)
i just want to tell you so you know

here i go
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
i'd let go
but there's just no one that gets me like you do
you are my only
my only one

made my mistakes
let you down
and i can't
i can't hold on for too long
ran my whole life in the ground
and i can't
i can't get up when you're gone

and something's breaking up (breaking up)
i feel like giving up (like giving up)
i won't walk out until you know

here i go
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
i'd let go
but there's just no one that gets me like you do
you are my only
my only one

here i go
so dishonestly
leave a note for you my only one
and i know you can see right through me
so let me go and you will find someone

here i go
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one
i'd let go
but there's just no one
no one like you
you are my only
my only one
my only one
my only one
my only one
you are my only
my only one

the long arm.

we are discussing long-arm statutes in civ pro. i can't help but snicker and be amused. no, personal jurisdiction is not that interesting. but, all i can think of is a certain beavis and butt-head quote:

Butt-Head: Beware the long arm of Butt-Head.
Beavis: Yeah, beware the long wiener of Beavis.

huh-huh. cool.